posted by tbogg at 10:18 AM

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On the other hand, if the Freepers collect 'em all, that's just less money they'll have for ammunition...

Conservatives are supposed to be a sober lot concerned with tax cuts, illegal immigrants, national security, and making sure that people of the dusky hue stay in their place, so it should not come as any surprise that they need to unwind sometimes. What with the pressure of ensuring freedom in countries that sit upon massive stocks of potential petroleum products, well, sometimes a pasty white guy needs more than a stiff drink and a female lobbyist to boink to let the pressures of the world run down the drain like so much toxic run-off from a campaign contributor. That's why they have dolls.

There is, of course, the George Bush action figure that allows them to recreate those halcyon days when Whistle Ass was defending Texas from the godless gooks by avoiding service and spending his time huffing Krylon while practicing his rudimentary Spanish skills on underaged Mexican hookers.

Then there is the Donald Rumsfeld doll with its 28 "Rummyisms" all of which are rhetorical questions that Lil Rummy answers himself.

The Ann Coulter action figure which are just recycled Ilsa, Nazi She-Wolf dolls that have had the charm removed. Sure she's not as slutty looking as a Bratz doll, but you should see her go-go-go after you buy her a Happy Meal.

And now, showing that no bar is ever too low, you can hold little unattended-USO shows with the Dennis Miller doll that really is anatomically correct. Just pull the string and the Miller doll makes an obscure cultural reference followed by the sound of crickets chirping and then silence...It's like you're really at an open mike night with Dennis! Flop sweat sold separately....

Unfortunately the Dick Cheney doll has been held off the market for the time being due to the fact that it needs new batteries everyday....