The E-Meter, The Cross, and The Plates of Nephi And then one day our Palms and Blackberries were hacked..

Gary L. Jarmin, who is a High Super Grand Fallopian Poobah in the Unification (Moonie) Cult Church gives a stern talking-to to evangelicals who don't like freakish made up pseudo-Christianish cults... like the Mormons:

Question: as regards Mitt Romney's presidential candidacy, what do some conservative evangelicals and the terrorists who attacked the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001, have in common? The answer is simple: religious intolerance.

Sure, this not a fair comparison since devout Christians who may have doctrinal disagreements with Mormonism are not going to start flying planes into Mr. Romney's campaign headquarters. While they certainly would not go to such extremes as the radical Islamists, polls show that many have, nonetheless, chosen to discriminate against Mr. Romney solely based upon his religious belief.

[...]

Nonetheless, some Christians in the anti-Romney camp are quite explicit that it is his Mormon faith that is the disqualifier. But it is also ironic that it was these evangelicals' forebears who, having suffered religious persecution in Europe and certain colonies, insisted that the Constitution include the clause that “no religious test shall ever be required as a qualification to any office or public trust under the United States” (Article VI, sec. 3).

Interestingly, it is these same people who scream the loudest, and justifiably so, when evangelical leaders or candidates for elective office are pilloried by anti-Christian bigots in Hollywood, the media or the Democratic Party. Unfortunately, they have utterly failed to recognize that due to their own anti-Mormon bias, they are just as guilty of the sin of intolerance as those who persecute them — it's called hypocrisy.

Since Gary doesn't take a holy dump unless the Reverend Moon says "Pinch", we have to assume that the Unification Church sees much potential in this man, Mitt Romney. I mean, Mormons like lots of weddings and Moonies love mass weddings... so, well, you do the math. And given that Mitt has exhibited certain Scientological hankerings, is it possible that under the gentle but ""emotion-free crisis management" of Mitt the First we might see a mighty convergence of socially awkward soulless Caucasian drones (not to be confused with Libertarians who at least like to smoke dope) into one massive SuperCult?

Is it irresponsible to speculate? What the fuck. Why not?

Then there will come the days when, if they're not politely knocking on your front door or trying to "audit" you on a street corner, they'll just kidnap you at night and brainwash you. Preclears will be rounded up, put into camps and forced to wear magical underwear until a suitable mass marriage can be arranged. Afterward, "I Ate A Thetan" t-shirts will be distributed and there will be cake.

Can they be stopped? Sure. But only as long as they don't hook up with the Amway-ians.

Those people just won't take no for an answer.