From the wonderful folks over at Whitehouse.org

Last night, the President called an emergency meeting of his top advisers in the Presidential Prayer Squad to discuss the Administration's overarching concern and principal goal for America's future: his reelection in 2004. Working feverishly until dawn with PPS leaders Deacon Fred and Brother Harry Hardwick, the President arrived at a plan of action which will ensure that his political future does not mimic that of his vaguely effeminate father. Let the record state that the Prayer Squad's painstakingly objective analysis involved reviewing opinion polls of NRA members, Heritage Foundation economic forecasts, back episodes of the Greatest American Hero and, most importantly, the Holy Bible.

Meanwhile, Dick Cheney's lawyer doesn't want you to see this.

After earning her Bachelor of Arts degree in English Literature from Colorado College, the not-yet-Mrs. Dick Cheney found herself still without a bread-winning spouse. Wisely hedging her bets, she took refuge in post-graduate education, earning both a Masters Degree and Ph.D. in the profoundly non-practical, yet supremely lady-like academic province of poetry studies. Fortunately for Pre-Mrs. Dick Cheney, a life of scholarly spinsterism was narrowly averted, when one fine July evening in 1964, she would cross paths with Mr. Dick Cheney, an old high school acquaintance. The two would dine together the next evening at a Roy Rogers Family Restaurant, then venture out for a night of dancing and sloe gin fizzes. Two weeks later, they were married in an intimate ceremony at a Las Vegas motor chapel. Mrs. Dick Cheney would go on to sire two daughters, Mary and Elizabeth, the latter of whom would fulfill her Godly obligation to couple with men and produce grandchildren in a naturally biological fashion.