Making the grade

Lost in all the talk about Iraq and bin Laden forming some kind of DC Comics version of The Islamic League of Doing Evil, is this simple fact:

bin Laden is alive.

President Wanted Dead or Alive said he wouldn't rest (not counting a month or two off in Crawford, and, oh yeah, those weekends at Camp David, and maybe a trip up to see mom & dad at Kennebunkport) until he brought to justice the "evildoer who does evil, as well as providing me with the highest approval ratings I could ever hope for, short of resigning".

With this in mind, and since it is third-quarter report card time in the schools, I guess his grades, at this point, should look like this:

Economics--- D-
Unemployment--- D+
Environment Science--- F
Women’s Studies--- F
Minority Relations--- F
Business Relations--- A+
Tracking Down Evildoers--- Inc.
English--- D-
Religious Intolerance--- A
Health & Safety--- F-
Sobriety--- Inc.
Parenting Skills--- F
XBox Skills--- B+
Gets Along Well With Others--- F

Teacher's comments: George is surprisingly lacking in verbal skills and basic math skills for a student his age. On the playground, he exhibits aggressive behavior with a habit of hitting and then running away leaving other students to finish his fights. Although he was elected Class President under somewhat suspicious circumstances, he is not very well liked by his classmates except for Karl R., Dick C. and that little Billy F. kid that we caught strangling the cat last semester. Overall, most of the school administration would prefer not to have him on campus, however we have been informed that he is a "Legacy" and therefore we will grimly accept him as we look forward towards his (hopeful) "graduation" in 2004.