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Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Kathryn Jean Lopez: Right Wing Slut
NRO asked a group of women both obscure and, well, obscurer, to select the men that they love.
It was a Valentine thing, okay.
Some examples include La Shawn "Bride of Jesus" Barber choosing Lynn Swann with just enough exclamation points to rate a Tiger Beat: He's so dreamy!
Not only is he devastatingly handsome, but he also volunteers his time working for charities and is the national spokesman for Big Brothers Big Sisters of America. The married father of two even has a blog. With commenting!
Lynn Swann, popular and appealing, is a fresh face in the conservative movement. He's definitely someone Republicans should support. I look forward to the day I can blog about Governor Swann!
Barbara Comstock, a woman so sleazy that Tom DeLay wouldn't touch her with Jack Abramoff's dick, chooses this years edition of the stupidest fucking guy on the face of the planet.
Jessica Gavora and Lucianne Goldberg both had a chance to choose the only man in America who has had intimate contact with their respective hoohahs...and they each passed, but we still love you, Doughy Pantload!
...and then there is K-Lo.
Since she is moistens at the mere mention of Mitt we expected to read a love poem and an offer to be wife number six...but instead we find the little hussy has a virtual harem of men that she would like to play human-wheelbarrow with:
Kathryn Jean Lopez
Needless to say, our armed forces. We do the talking, complaining, and living freely. They do the heavy lifting — and then-some.
And our first responders. The Katrina no-shows in New Orleans should serve to remind us how much we take the guys who do report to work — responding to both the minor and the overwhelming calls — for granted.
A men-we-love list cannot end without a mention of El Rushbo. Or his comrade in clear-thinking-arms, Sean Hannity.
And, uh, ladies? We can't forget to mention Chief Justice John Roberts, Bold Justice Samuel Alito, and the president who put 'em there.
And we must, too, mention Judge Bill Pryor, who is sitting on a federal bench today, a fact that must make some Senate Dems scream in terror now and again. HOW WILL NARAL LEGISLATE THROUGH THE COURTS WITH MEN LIKE THESE…? Come to think of it…maybe I should just mention The Men of the Federalist Society, to cut this short. Then, I've got Ed Whelan and The Men of Bench Memos covered, as well as the next Supreme Court justice...(a girl can dream…)
Mitt Romney, because he took on Harvard on one of the most important issues of our day.
(And because anyone who reads The Corner and the occasional "Romney Watch" thread there would take a Romney non-mention here as a dramatic turn of events, and a vote for George Allen.)
And before we get to 2008, we should mention Rick Santorum, Michael Steele, Ken Blackwell, Steve Laffey…men we want to see win this year.
I love the truthiness of Stephen Colbert. Even when it's not my kinda truthiness.
(Plus, he knows Steve Carrell, whom I've got the perfect Office spin-off idea for. It all takes place in the office of a conservative magazine…it can even be easily made into a British conservative magazine…!)
I hate these lists because they leave out way too many deserving names, in this case, men we love. But then, on the other hand, we love these men in part because they don't need the recognition. Though I think Stephen Colbert really does. But only until his salary is higher than Jon Stewart's.
I'm tempted, I confess, to keep mentioning names anyway, in part just for the reactions I'd get from the left side of the web. The man behind the Narnia movies, Micheal Flaherty...I'll hand those Walden Media guys some NRO Oscar nods. Mel Gibson! Maybe I should second Lucianne's Dick Cheney...by the way, Karl: That was some dramatic move, taking attention away from NSA wiretapping this weekend... Man, men...if only Wal-Mart were a man..
Unfortunately Wal-Mart would force her to use birth control despite the fact that they love to be fruitful and multiply because even Wal-Mart has some standards and they wouldn't want the other big box stores giggling behind their back about their love child.
Not that Wal-Mart embarasses easily. But still....
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