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Sunday, November 06, 2005
I just saved you eleven bucks. You can thank me later.
There's nothing good playing. Go home. 
Being a much-in-demand man about town in Hollywood, Jason Apuzzo at Libertas didn't have time to actually go see Jarhead before pronouncing it DOA :
Overall, the critical reception to this film does not seem to bode well for Oscar time. Critics seem to be regarding the film as tedious, cold and uninvolving - even setting aside the film’s snotty approach to the military and to the Gulf War, in particular. For those of you who might be curious, I will not be catching this film. What little of it I saw - mostly the braying Chris Cooper caricature of a military officer (straight out of Sam Mendes’ previous American Beauty) - when Govindini and I visited Jarhead’s editing suite did not stimulate my interest in watching the entire film.
Besides, Govindini still had the hallway to vacuum while Jason restocked the urinal cakes in the mensroom - so who has time to get into the dramatic flow?
Since Jason and Govindini are tied up with really big projects and there are only so many minutes in the day to review movies from watching the trailers, I thought I would pitch in so that they take some time off from saving American culture and have a little 'them' time.
Disclaimer: To stay on equal footing, I haven't seen any of these movies (ranked in order of box office dollars from this weekend) but I didn't let that stop me from pointing out the themes in the movie that show that the producers hate America and probably the baby Jesus. :
1. Chicken Little - Environmental extremism.
2. Jarhead - Anti-military, anti-war
3. Saw II - Sympathetic to serial killers
4. The Legend of Zorro - Mexicans
5. Prime - Egg-headed ivory tower intellectuals and their fuzzy math (Sorry. That was Proof) Prime has premarital sex. Lots of dirty talk.And it has Uma who was in Kill Bill which makes her Satan's girlfriend.
6. Dreamer: Inspired by a True Story - Gambling, single parent family, and Arabs
7. Good Night, and Good Luck - Anti-McCarthyism, pro-truth
8. The Weather Man - Nicholas Cage is in it.
9. Shopgirl - Unsympathetic to Wal-Mart
10. Flightplan - More Arabs. Star is a lesbian (shhhh, don't tell John Hinkley. He already feels stupid enough)
Bonus Jason I-didn't-see-it-but-here's-why-I-hate-it reviews:
A new company called Participant Productions has just gone into production on a Richard Linkater adaptation of Fast Food Nation - a screed against the fast-food industry. Fast Food Nation already marks the fourth major, left-leaning production for Participant - which has also invested in George Clooney’s anti-Joe McCarthy screed Good Night, and Good Luck, the Charlize Theron sexual harassment lawsuit drama North County, and Clooney’s forthcoming it’s-all-about-oil terrorism thriller Syriana.
So remember: 'right-leaning' movies are pro-junk food, pro-McCarthyism, pro-sexual harrassment, and pro-big oil.
Kind of the bastard child of Jonah Goldberg, Bill O'Reilly, and Dick Cheney don'cha think?
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