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Monday, September 12, 2005
Why some people shouldn't be parents
Who knew Tucker Carlson was so small? 
Let's cut to the chase: What the hell is wrong with these people?
We'll skip over the obvious prop value of lining up little John-John Jack and Caroline Josie behind their dad, future Justice Trojan Horse, at todays hearing because it's as obvious as a rotating bed covered in red velour: love is happening here, baby. Look at us! We love each other! We're a family. Sure mommy gives off the kind of pinched maternal warmth not glimpsed since Beth Jarrett frosted our balls, but our daddy loves us and he's not afraid to show it to the millions who will see clips of him playing gotcher nose! on cable tonight and everyone will go "Aw! It's hard to believe that man will attempt to roll back civil liberties and women's rights. Yes he will! Yes he will! Now give us a kiss". It almost makes you appreciate the Bushs for keeping the twins (Jenna and NotJenna) out of the public eye for so long, although now we know the reason why.
I'm going to be a bit sexist (okay, a bit more than usual) and say that Mrs. Roberts has a bit more say in what the darling little moppets are wearing and someone needs to explain to her that by dressing Jack up as Little Lord Kickmyass she is condemning him to a world o'hurt, Supreme Court Daddy or no Supreme Court Daddy. I mean, Jesus Christ, shorts and a bowtie? As if that was an improvement over this?
And poor little NotJack. Again, constrained by her mother so as not to upstage the heir apparent, she will soon learn to be Laura to his Tom Wingfield and someday a gentleman caller will come whisk her away from a life of spinsterhood...just like mommy!
Now I understand that this was a somewhat formal occasion (or as formal as the dog and pony show these hearings are going to turn into) but I also understand that is also no place to drag a pair of four year-olds...unless, of course they're being used as props to give a cow-eyed populace something to hang onto to deflect from what's at stake. Instead of bread and circuses, we're given a new millenium version of Bud and Mary-Sue.
God help us. They'll try and outlaw color next.
(image lifted from Dependable Renegade)
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