Flowers for Goldberg

NRO post day one

Kathrin says I shoud rite down waht I think and remeber and evrey thing that happins to me from now on. I dont know why but she says its importint so they will see if they can use me.I hope they use me becaus my mom says that she wont suport me any more and I should get a job. My name is Jonah Goldberg and now I werk at NRO wich is easy to spel wich is good. I told Kathrin and mr Buckley taht I dont rite so good and they said it doesnt mater because theyre readers dont think so good. Kathrin says I shoud just rite like I talk and like the compushishens I rote at Goucher school taht my mom also got me into. I hope this goes good.

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NRO post day four

Today Kathrin asked me to rite about the war in Irak. I told her I didnt know anything about Irak so she told me to do some reserch. I didnt know waht reserch is so when she left I asked Rich and he told me about a thing called a bleg which is when you ask the readers to do reserch for you and then you rite your artical. I said taht didnt seem rite but he said taht if he had to do reserch he would never have time to go on Fox. I want to go on Fox somday so I can meet the Simpsons and Sean Hannity. Theyre funny.

I also met mr May. I dont think I like him. He has one of those dumb beards like that Wolf guy on CNN.

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NRO post day nine

Today is a bad day. A dr named Juan Cole made fun of me and my artical on Irak but its not my fault I just rote waht the readers told me. The englsh guy taht they call Derb said to not worry and taht he was wrong all of the time and no body cares and besides dr Cole teaches at some small colege no body has ever herd of. Also somone stole my lunch today. I think it was Ramesh.

He looks like Apu.

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NRO post day twelve

Today I rote an artical comparing George Bush and Dick Cheny to Gilligan and the skipper on Gilligans island, except that Dick Cheny was the skipper and he was in charge instead of president Bush. Kathrin said they couldnt use it, but I got ten dollars from Katrina vandenhuvel whos name I cant spell to good. She said they would just say that Greg Easterbrook rote it and no one would know the diference.

I bought snickers bars with the money.

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NRO post day forteen

Kathrin says I have to start coming in to werk evryday becuse most of my posts are about tv shows taht Im watching at home and besides they need me around to go get coffee for mr Hanson and mr May during the day. mr Hanson always gives me a dollar for geting his coffee and I buy butterfingers with it. mr May never gives me any thing.

Hes a dick.

[...]

NRO post day twenty one

Today I went in the copy room and saw Rich and Kathrin naked. I dont want to rite about that. Im going home early.


NRO post day twenty two

Kathrin looked at me funny today and wont talk to me. Rich told me he didnt have time either because he was going to be on Fox at 2pm, 4pm, 530pm, and 8pm. I asked him to get me a autograph from Nelson from the Simpsons and make sure he rote ha ha like he says. Rich said sure okay as he left.

Later in the day mr Buckley came by my cubical and just stared at me. I knew he was there because he smells like my grandfather whos not alive any more. Then he went into Kathrins office and she talked real loud a lot but I didnt hear what she was saying because mr May came by and told me to go get him coffee.

I bet he doesnt give me a dollar.

NRO post day twenty three

Today Kathrin called me in and said that they had found a new job for me and that I should get my stuff and if I needed help she would have security help me. I said I didnt want to go because I had made many freinds at NRO and besides it was easy to spell. She said that I could come visit with a visitors pass but I had to call a head. She said my new job was better suited to my talents and I would be working with people who were more like me. I went and got my stuff from my cubical and left and security didnt have to help me whcih is good because I went by mr Mays office and gave him the finger and then I ran out.

Tomorow I start my new job.





Heritage Foundation day one

Today I met my new boss Rebeca. She says I shoud rite down waht I think and remeber and evrey thing that happins to me from now on.



(My thanks to Daniel Keyes)