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  • Sunday, January 30, 2005

     

    Speaking of whacked...

    If you wondered why Doug "Motel Messiah™" Giles is the only Clownhall columnist not getting a check from the Bush administration, wonder no more. Highlights:

    Packed, Stacked and Ready to Whack

    Yeah. And that's just the headline. Then it goes downhill:

    Our Constitution is currently under a greater threat than a teenaged boy at a Michael Jackson sleepover.

    [...]

    I don’t know about you … but I do not like the fact that the very people who should uphold our rights are stretching them thinner than Fiona Apple on a rack.

    [...]

    One of the basic human rights that constantly has to be defended is the right to keep and bear arms. Why did the original founders of this great American experiment toss this given, no-duh, entitlement into the Constitution? Well … it wasn’t so that we would be guaranteed that we could hunt squirrels and woodchucks without serving time, as great as that is.

    [...]

    For those of you who missed your world history classes because you were taking transgender sensitivity training, let me highlight a few ignoble moments in the world’s gun-ridding record.

    Take Germany for example. Soon after WWI, the liberal powers thought that relieving citizens of their rifles would restore peace in the streets. The general populace bought this nonsense because at that time there were no astute bloggers, Fox News, NRA or ClashRadio.com to shoot down such a stupid idea.

    [...]

    The warm and fuzzy feelings, however, gave way to cold hard reality when the Austrian Jerk Emeritus goose-stepped his way into power and began to unfold his Mein Crap. This was relatively easy for Adolf to do. Why was his big lie easy to sell? One major reason was that the ones who were not buying his crack really couldn’t do squat about it … because, you see … they had allowed the government to seize their weapons just a few short years prior to The Dipstick’s ascent.

    Sure, they could and did resist as much as possible, but when dealing with a tyrant, sometimes the only way to communicate your displeasure with his dementia is with the crack of gun fire. Unfortunately, the dissenters were, by and large, weaponless. The only ones allowed to own firearms were Hitler, his wizards and the ones who danced to his tortuous tune.

    [...]

    And for those who need more examples of how a disarmed populace stands more vulnerable than Ashlee Simpson before a Bose voice processor

    [...]

    I guarantee that if the Gestapo had been strafed with 180 grain 30/06 lead, or pounded repeatedly at close range with 00buck from 12 gauge riot gun … the numbers lost during that crazy crew’s reign of terror would have been far, far less.


    Oh
    my
    god.

    For the record, Doug has a degree from Texas Tech. No. You won't find him in their listing of famous alumni.

    Added: History and the wingnuts. Matter and anti-matter.


     

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