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Friday, July 30, 2004
To sum up....
As should be obvious from this weeks postings I didn't watch a minute of the Democratic convention. While some might attribute this to a fit of pique over not being invited, it has more to do with the fact that the Giants were in town for a four game series with the Padres (San Diego took three of four) and I do have my priorities. I mean, it's not like the Democrats aren't going to have another convention in four years...if President Cheney lets them out of the concentration camps early for good behavior.
What I did do was follow the convention through the bloggers attending the the big whoop-di-doo where I learned that the 15,000 accredited press people were endlessly fascinated with the 35 invited bloggers and nightly plied them with expense-account liquors and sweetmeats in an effort to learn the secret of their success. Fortunately for we few, we happy few, we band of brothers, our secret is safe and the "big media" (or whatever term the Professor is using this week to inflate his ego) were left holding their manhood cheap, which isn't as dirty as it sounds, but should be.
Anyway, for those who also tuned out the convention and watched Law & Order instead (you know, that one that starts with those people walking and talking until they find a body. That one...) here is what happened at the convention:
Apparently, instead of a massive balloon drop, hundreds of Hillary Ninjas rappelled down to the stage and systematically slaughtered those who had not rendered unto Hillary what was rightfuly Hers. Then Hillary rose up from behind the podium on a hydraulic lift (in a marvelous bit of stagecraft lifted from Madonna's Blond Ambition Tour) holding the severed head of John Kerry in the air, Her fangs glistening with the blood of aborted Christian babies. A shrieking Joe Lieberman was then immolated on an inverted cross while Chris Lehane, Sid Blumenthal, and Wesley Clark capered about him wearing black capes, thigh-high leather boots, and nothing else. The delegates were then herded into compounds where the women were forced to don black pantsuits and the all of the men were neutered except for those that possessed the "equipment" to saisfy Her unnatural cravings. Later, cake was served.
You see. The big media never tells you about this kind of stuff.
(Okay. Some of that stuff wasn't true. Except for the Lieberman part....)
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