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Wednesday, December 24, 2003
I haven't gotten laid yet, but it's okay because I have a note from God...
As the year ends The Virgin Ben still has yet to cling to a woman and "become one flesh" (which may be the worst pick-up line ever..."You. Me. A few drinks and then back to my place to become one flesh. Whadya say, foxy lady?".)
The first of the Noahide Laws prohibits sexual immorality. The source for this Law can be found in Genesis 2:24: "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and cling to his wife and they shall become one flesh." Several prohibitions are derived from this biblical statement. Homosexuality is forbidden, both for males and for females, since the goal of human relationship is a man-woman relationship for the purpose of having children. Even if a male-female couple cannot have children, their relationship still carries with it the godly seal. As Rabbi Yirmeyahu Bindman, author of an authoritative book on the subject, writes, "(homosexual relationships) remain empty of all the transcendence that correctly addressed love receives from above."
This lack of transcendence applies to other relationships as well. Adultery is banned by the Noahide Laws, as are incest and bestiality. Premarital sex is frowned upon, since it cheapens the act of sexual intimacy.
Yeah. Right. As I have said before: some people choose abstinence, others have it chosen for them. But wait! There may be hope:
Because male-female relationships have the ability to transcend the physical, the Noahide Laws frown upon celibacy. God created the sex drive for a reason. The rabbis teach: "Do not talk to God and think of a woman; talk to a woman and think of God."
Actually I think the rabbi said "...do it right and make her see God...or at least call out his name about six or seven times. Then snuggle." But, hey, I wasn't there, so what do I know. I do know that, if you want advice on sex maybe a rabbi isn't the best place to go...unless he's Italian, of course, in which case you should probably take really good notes. Anyway, Ben continues:
It should be noted that a heterosexual marriage does not guarantee a relationship that transcends the physical and brings the couple closer to the divine. Jewish thought makes it clear, however, that any other type of sexual relationship must by necessity lack the ability to approach godliness.
You know I'm starting to feel sorry for this kid. I look into his future and I can see that not once is he ever going to get to have really good hot sweaty sex with Miss Scarlet in the parlor with a bottle of lube. That kind of sex may not approach godliness, but for a few brief moments and a lifetime of memories it sure feels like it.
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