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Tuesday, July 29, 2003
I'm just a rambling gambling man
Bill Bennet really should learn to quit while he's, well, not quite ahead:
I'm not down; I'm up and I'm back and nobody's going to drive me out of public life," Bennett says in the prerecorded interview with Russert.
Three months after admitting his wagering woes, he says he has learned his lesson: "You will lose at the end of the day." Bennett, 60, was tagged a hypocrite by his critics when Newsweek magazine and The Washington Monthly detailed his gambling habits.
"I way overdid it," he said. "I gambled too much, given who I am and what I do."
Still, "I'm not a hypocrite," he declared.
"I never got on the soapbox about gambling," says former President Ronald Reagan's ex-education secretary who also served as drug czar under former President George Bush.
"Did I fall short of my standards by doing too much, by engaging in this at an excessive level? Yes, but that doesn't make my arguments any less good or not."
Using Bennet's standard that he "never got on a soapbox about gambling", one has to wonder what other vices the One Armed Pundit indulges in that he hasn't condemned. I mean, there's a whole world of bad stuff out there that he could be doing...
Leaves the seat up, takes the biggest piece of pie, parks in handicapped spots, drinks from the carton, leaves the cap off the toothpaste, dog raping, talks during the movie, uses a penny at 7/11 but never leaves one, only tips 5%, doesn't use his turn signals, never rewinds videos, goes right to sleep after his orgasm, never replaces empty toilet paper roll, bogarting that joint, never answers in the form of a question when watching Jeopardy, doesn't return mix-tapes, never recycles, eats last Entenmanns and leaves empty box on the counter, reads over your shoulder on the bus, still tells dead baby jokes, hasn't returned power drill he borrowed in May, orders 12 CD's for a penny from BMG music club...and never pays, doesn't rinse dishes before putting them in dishwasher, still owes you $1 million dollars from that night in Vegas when he said he was "red-hot", plays "got'cher nose" and never gives it back when he's done, slurps his spaghetti one strand at a time, steals crayons from Dennys, always bumming cigarettes, leaves tissues lying around after evening of watching Spice channel, wipes nose on sleeve, calls everyone "dude", breaks up with mistress right before Christmas so he doesn't have to buy her a present, always borrowing your comb, thinks Everyone Loves Raymond is funny, sings out loud when wearing his Walkman, hogs TV remote, leaves cap off of anal lube, doesn't wipe his feet, always bumming Viagra, leaves in the 7th inning, can't tell Olson twins apart, always borrows sports page before going to the bathroom, 14 items in 12 item only line, spells 'color' as 'colour' for no good reason....
You get the idea.
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