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Saturday, June 28, 2003
What I could have been doing this weekend...
You really can't make stuff like this up. Let's say you're the head of a large conservative religious organization or a family values-styled foundation (it's hard...but imagine real hard), and you want to get together with like-minded folks who are appalled by what is happening with the youth of America, what with the flaunting of their budding sexuality and their firm buttocks and taut little tummies and....well, you know, kids having sex. What are you going to do about this sad state of affairs? Have a convention. And where are you going to have it?
Las Vegas.
Yes, this weekend in Las Vegas, thousands of proper, unsullied, Godly, moral citizens who couldn't spell "sodomy" if you spotted them the T and the A, are going to get down by not getting down in Sin City at the Abstinence Clearing House Conference.
Here's the kind of festivities that you have to look forward to (since you won't be having any hot sweaty sex):
7:00-8:00 a.m. Breakfast (Optional: at attendees expense)
8:00-8:30 a.m. Funding for Marriage
8:30-9:00 a.m. Abstinence Across the Globe
9:00-9:30 a.m. Making Virginity Possible: Empowering Parents
10:30-11:30 a.m. Medical Perspective: The Physical & Emotional Consequences of Pre-marital Sex, Dr. Eric Keroack
11:30 a.m. Box Lunch Picnic (Optional: at attendees expense)
Breakout A: Certification Track
1:00-2:00 p.m. Certification Class 1, The Institute for Abstinence Education
2:00-2:15 p.m. Break
2:15-3:15 p.m. Certification Class 2, The Institute for Abstinence Education
3:15-4:00 p.m. Certification Test, The Institute for Abstinence Education
Don't forget to attend the highly anticipated, sold-out morning meeting on "The Faces of Abstinence".
....and you can make your own joke about the box lunches.
And remember....some people choose abstinence, others have it thrust upon them.
(thanks to "P" for the link)
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