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Tuesday, April 01, 2003
As seen on TV!
No more awkward deaths at the dinner table!
How many times have you had the Vice President over for a barbeque of big fatty pork ribs, only to have him keel over due to acute cardiac arrhythmia? If you're like us, that can really spoil the picnic for the kids, particularly if it happens before they get to the Adam Clymer piñata. That's why we keep the Cheneymaster 3000™ Defibrillator and Bacon Fryer in a convenient location just in case the Veep starts flopping around on the ground like a landed trout while the Second Lady is busy stuffing cocktail onions into the pool boy’s Speedo, giggling like Dennis Hopper in Blue Velvet. With just a few quick bursts from the Cheneymaster 3000's Escalating Energy™ (200J to 360J) function, you'll have the VP up and selling the country out to energy lobbyists faster than you can say "Halliburton got the no-bid contract!".
Best of all, it’s non-scarring and leaves the gentle scent of fried chicken on the recipient after each use. Simple to use, it comes complete with a set of Cardio Pads, battery, instruction booklet, and a three-pound jar of bacon fat for quality conductivity.
But wait! There’s more! Order now and we’ll throw in a free can of Lynne Cheney’s Lesbian-B-Gone, the combination aerosol anesthetic and closet freshener. No right thinking, godly home should be without it!
Call now to get the Cheneymaster 3000™ Defibrillator and the bonus can of Lynne Cheney’s Lesbian-B-Gone for the low price of only $199.99! Or you can use our convenient USA credit plan and delay your payments until your grandchildren are old enough to take them over.
Call now… 1-800-DIX-DEAD….. our operators are standing by….
A product of BushCo™ LLC…Better living through running and hiding©.
(Happy Make Fun of the Cheneys Day)
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