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Friday, November 22, 2002
Getting all giggly about naked people
America's virgin (no, not Erika Harold) Ben Shapiro saw a naughty picture on the Internet and couldn't wait to type, one-handed, about it:
In West Marin County, Calif., home to such world-renowned figures as John Walker Lindh, anti-war protesters simultaneously revealed their breasts and their stupidity. Believing that boobs do more for world peace than bombs, 50 intrepid women shed their clothing, then lay in the aptly named Love Field and spelled out the word "PEACE" with their bodies to show solidarity with the Iraqi people. But before you run to your computer to find the picture, be warned: It's ugly. Many are seniors, and there is at least one morbidly obese woman posing in the buff. Some people were just not meant to undress. Ever.
You know, I saw this picture, but I wasn't so interested in it that I F11'd it so I could make out which women were seniors and which one was obese. Looks like that 24" monitor is really paying off for Ben these days.
Then he writes this:
What's even funnier than batty women getting naked for peace is what they said while they were doing it. "Women from all ages and walks of life took off their clothes, not because they are exhibitionists but because they felt it was imperative to do so," the organizers solemnly explained. "They wanted to unveil the truth about the horrors of war, to commune in their nudity with the vulnerability of Iraqi innocents." What a great idea! To promote peace with Islamic fanatics who hate women, have a mass pseudo-lesbian event!
"Pseudo-lesbian event"? Yeah, he wishes...
..and finally The Virgin Ben writes this:
In Sydney, Australia, three women ripped off their clothes and poured red paint on themselves and then arranged themselves on a homemade American flag under a sign reading "Stop the war on women." Sorry, fellas, no pictures of this one, but it's safe to assume it wasn't too pretty either -- the police picked the protesters up for "offensive conduct."
A less dirty but similarly moronic protesting technique is the die-in.
I have to ask: In Ben's case, was the protest "dirty" because they poured paint on themselves or because they got (snicker snicker) all naked and stuff showing their boobies and other parts that Ben isn't even vaguely familiar with?
You can learn a lot about an author when they write on topics that are important to them, and, although Ben seems to want to write about how the war protestors are "funny", what comes through loud and clear is Ben's attitude towards women in general. In his case it is helpful to remember that some people choose celibacy, while others have it thrust upon them. Poor Ben. He no more chose abstinence than Clarence Thomas chose to be black.
I'd buy Ben a ticket to see The Vagina Monologues, but lately he's been too busy looking for the dirty parts in Lysistrata. After all, a boy has to have a hobby....
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