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  • Thursday, April 14, 2005

     

    If Daryn doesn't give it up soon, he's
    gonna blow....and not in the good way.


    As you may have noticed I've been on a bit of a hiatus (which is latin for "lazy") this week. And it took a pretty important story with worldwide implications to bring me back to the keyboard, and that important story is Rush Limbaugh's bizarre rant about....blowjobs. From Atrios:

    LIMBAUGH: When does he start up this stupid little network? August? Yip yip yip yahoo. You know what Gore said about this? It's going to be liberal. It's going to reflect the point of view of young people.

    What the hell is that, Al? What the hell is the point of view of young people? Blow jobs, that's what they're doing out there. They're out there getting oral sex all day long, that's what they're talking about. That's the point of view they can't wait that your boss,

    Al made sure that's become the number one sport in high school today. So, I guess you're going to have a BJ network out there, Al, is that what you're going to do? You're going to call your network the oral sex channel out there, start competing with MTV?


    No, it's not going to have any of this stuff out there, folks, it's going to be talking about liberalism, no, no, no, that's not what we're about. Classic cannot even admit who he is.


    It would be easy to say that Rush has been injecting Hillbilly Heroin into his scrotum again, but that would be so unfair and, besides, who really wants to check him for track marks. Anyone? Anyone? (Sit down Guckert). So what really brought this on? One could make the case that this is a response to the stories that George W. Bush has been seeking advice from Bill Clinton lately which reminded Rush that Clinton attracted blow jobs like Tom DeLay attracts sleaze, whereas, even after three marriages, Rush can't get his dork snorkled unless it has been specifically addressed in a prenuptial agreement right after "Party of the second part will not make reference to, nor will they giggle, laugh, chortle, guffaw, or point in disgust to the party of the first part's man-boobs". So, yes, there is that line of thinking.

    Then there is the Ben Shapiro defense that states that "although you've heard of one, you've never actually seen or experienced one". (I should note that this defense is often employed by men when confronted with the concept of the "clitoris", or as it is referred to at Liberty University's Med School: "anatomy's unicorn"). But it's hard to believe that Rush, and The Virgin Ben, could be so unfamiliar with the blow job when there is so much data available on the Internets. No. Really. Just go type "blow jobs" in Google. Go ahead. I'll wait.....okay , you big weenie, I'll do it for you. Hmmm it seems that there are 4,830,000 links to blow jobs available (which Google found in just 0.20 seconds...good for you Google!). Add to that there are another 1,460,000 links for "blowjob" for those too lazy, or too busy masturbating, to hit the space bar, meaning that there is what I believe mathematicians would describe as a "shitload" of blow job informational links available to those with the time and inclination of, say, Justice Thomas, for example. So we'll chock this one up to laziness and lack of curiosity.

    Lastly maybe Rush is starting to develop a bit of "buyers remorse" regarding the future Mrs. Limbaugh. As you can see from Mrs. Limbaugh-to-be IV's picture she lacks the full-bodied upper lip of say an Angelina Jolie or Ken Mehlman (seen here with another satisfied customer) and Rush has again realized that it's true when they say, "Wed in haste and end up masturbating to a Victorias Secret catalog while the wife is away on assignment until one day she catches you, leading to another nasty divorce."

    At least I think that's what they say. I got that one from inside a Snapple cap.


     

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