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Wednesday, December 03, 2003
Miss Coulter, you're trying to seduce me...... aren't you? And what's up with that adams apple?
Coo coo ca-choo, Ben Shapiro is having his Mrs. Robinson moment for all eyes to see.
This week, Ann Coulter caught flak from the liberal Jewish community for her latest column, "The Party of Ideas." In her column, she deconstructs the Democratic presidential candidates and exposes them for the panderers they are, especially with regard to the Jewish community.
"In addition to having a number of family deaths among them," she writes, "the Democrats' other big idea -- too nuanced for a bumper sticker -- is that many of them have Jewish ancestry. There's Joe Lieberman: Always Jewish. Wesley Clark: Found Out His Father Was Jewish in College. John Kerry: Jewish Since He Began Presidential Fund-Raising. Howard Dean: Married to a Jew. Al Sharpton: Circumcised."
As Coulter points out, claiming that you have a Jew in the family or Jewish blood running in your veins doesn't mean anything when push comes to shove: "The Democrats' urge to assert a Jewish heritage is designed to disguise the fact that the Democrats would allow the state of Israel to perish as Palestinian suicide bombers slaughter Jewish women and children." Coulter rightly criticizes the Jewish community for falling for this ridiculous campaign ploy: "And that, boys and girls, is how the Jews survived thousands of years of persecution: by being susceptible to pandering."
Now far be it for me to get involved in the whole Jewer-than-thou debate. What I know about Judaism you couldn't spin a dreidl on. But I think it's really cute how Ben rushes to the defense of Ann, a woman he both admires and whose image has provided him with hours of mastubatory delight. After all, Ann once said of Ben:
"Ben Shapiro's columns are smart, informative and incisive. He is wise beyond his years without losing the refreshing fearlessness of youth."
...causing one of Ben's friends (okay, Ben's only friend...okay, actually it was just Ben talking to himself) to comment, "Dude. She likes you. You're like, gonna totally score." after which he started practicing really cool lines he would use on her like:
Girl, you're a hot-blooded woman-child
And it's warm where you're touchin' me
and
I search myself
I want you to find me
I forget myself
I want you to remind me
I don't want anybody else
When I think about you I touch myself
and
Here I am, rock you like a hurricane
...but he couldn't get the Barry White intonation down, so he started working on his brooding manly seductive look but, as you can see, that didn't pan out either.
So for now, Ben woos her from afar, Wishin’, and hopin’, and thinkin’, and prayin’, Plannin’, and dreamin’ each night of his charms.
(Added): Ann Coulter Style Endnotes- This post included references to The Graduate, Simon & Garfunkle, The Dreidl Song, Mac Davis, The Divinyls, The Scorpions, Barry White, and Dusty Springfield (although I actually had the Ani DiFranco version in my head)
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