Tuesday, June 03, 2003
Hi. My name is Gort. First time caller, long time listener.
The White House. Setting the bar for dumbness ever lower.
A milestone in human civilization was reached yesterday afternoon with hardly any notice: The U.S. government made contact with an extraterrestrial.
The space creature, one King Bloop Zod of planet Mars, sent an e-mail to the White House Web site in hopes of communicating with earthling Mel R. Martinez, secretary of Housing and Urban Development, who was holding a Web chat. Their historic exchange follows.
King from Mars writes:
Greetings Mr. Secretary. Although there are no humans on Mars at present, I would like to invite the human race to consider Mars as an ideal location for a vacation home or just a place to get away from it all. Would you consider offering incentives to those who might want to build a home on Mars? I'll tell you, it is a beautiful place and oh, let me tell you, there is nothing like Autumn on Mars. And please don't tell me that you are looking at Venus first. Kindly,
King Bloop Zod, Mars
Mel Martinez:
Dear King,
Your problem is one that does not appear to be housing. I think you are doing great at promoting tourism but affordable housing in America is more of my concern. Good luck in your endeavors.
The HUD secretary's polite rebuff of the Martian is but one of the fascinating developments unearthed by the White House Web site's new "Ask the White House" series of Web chats, 11 of which have been held in the past six weeks. Among other things, we have learned that White House chef Walter Scheib thinks it's okay to have red wine with fish, that White House counsel Alberto R. Gonzales likes the Houston Astros and that Interior Secretary Gale A. Norton admires Paula Abdul.
I don't know what's worse. Mel Martinez talking to Martians or the fact that Gale Norton admires Paula Abdul.
Oh. And Mel, if you're reading this:
Klaatu barada nikto.
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