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Thursday, April 03, 2003
More competition for the South Beach transvestites
Ann Coulter is going down...and while that's not really news most days of the week, it's different this time. She's moving to Florida.
Human Uzi Ann Coulter, who left Washington for New York because of the disappointing dating scene, has left New York for Miami.
"YES -- I HAVE MOVED TO THE CITY OF INTERNATIONAL INTRIGUE!!!!" the tall blond bestselling author e-mailed us yesterday. "Many reasons. Among them: The tax rate is a lot better for my business. The weather is better for my business. The real estate prices are better for my business. Moreover, that Democrat Michael Bloomberg is a latter-day John Lindsay -- he's wrecking New York City and I didn't want to pay for his fascist smoking police." Never mind that Bloomberg ran for mayor as a Republican.
"Soon he'll be mandating that New Yorkers have a glass of milk and engage in calisthenics every day. He seems to imagine that New Yorkers were drawn to that city for the clean living. It's literally mind-boggling that the mayor's response to a disastrous NYC economy is to crush the restaurant and bar business. I'm not sure even Lindsay could have come up with something so breathtakingly stupid. Reduced bar business means reduced tax revenues means Ann-Pays-More. So I'm gone.
"Also, I'm sick of working all the time and I need to sit on the beach and drink pina coladas with little umbrellas for a while to recuperate. Perhaps I will have a cigar with my pina colada -- which is still legal in Florida. And of course, Matt Drudge is in Miami -- as well as lots of swarthy, patriotic Cubans: the nation's best Americans. Having felt the lash of Democratic 'patriotism' at the Bay of Pigs, I believe they will like my next book."
Coulter's move has also been forced by the fact that, since Katherine Harris moved to DC, Florida is no longer in compliance with Federally mandated minimum levels of State Skankiness.
(Thanks to Maia for sending me the link)
(Added: Suckful has pictures. Make all children and cats leave the room before clicking)
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